Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
