Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
