uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
