I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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