Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
