she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
