Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
