Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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