I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
