He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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