yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
