I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
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