he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
