Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
