My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
