You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
