I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
