i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
