i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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