i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
