How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
