There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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