is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
