Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
