Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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