Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
