I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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