i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Randomize
