Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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