Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
