My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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