I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Randomize
