she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
