you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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