I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
