The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
