I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
