Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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