Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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