Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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