I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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