ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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