It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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