You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Randomize
