She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
