either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
