Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
