I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
