A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I need moral support for this bender
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
