literally had 100 drinks last night.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
the raccoons are back...
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