I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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