also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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