She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
