just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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