now i know why i became what i already was.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
