Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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