Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
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