Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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