How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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