turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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