you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
