Sry I called you an 8
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
