Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
